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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Carry Me

Author : Unknown **
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you."  She sat down and ate quietly.  Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth but I had to let her know what I was thinking.  "I want a divorce."  I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?"

I avoided her question.  This made her angry.   She threw the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!"  That night, we didn’t talk to each other.  She was weeping.  I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage but I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane.  I didn't love her anymore.  I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my  company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.  The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger.  I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.  Finally she cried loudly in front of me which was what I had expected to see.  To me her cry was actually a kind of release.  The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table.  I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful  day with Jane.

When I woke up she was still there at the table writing.  I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.  She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.  Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me but she had something more.  She ask me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.  Then she requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning.
  I thought she was going crazy.   Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions.  She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.  "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.  So when I carried her out on the first day we both appeared clumsy.  Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding mommy in his arms."  His words brought me a sense of pain.  From the bedroom to the sitting room then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.  She closed her eyes and said softly; "Don’t tell our son about the divorce."  I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.  I put her down outside the door.  She went to wait for the bus to work.  I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.  She leaned on my chest.  I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.  I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.  I realized she was not young any more.  There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!  Our marriage had taken its toll on her.  For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day when I lifted her up I felt a sense of intimacy returning.  This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth days I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.  I didn’t tell Jane about this.  It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by.  Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning.  She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one.  Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown bigger."  I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.  Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at that moment and said, "Dad, it’s time to carry mom out."  To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.  My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.  I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute.  I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.  Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.  I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad.  On the last day when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.  Our son had gone to school.  I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."

I drove to the office….. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the doors.  I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…. I walked upstairs.  Jane opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore."

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.  "Do you have a fever?" She said.  I moved her hand off my head.  "Sorry Jane," I said, "I won’t divorce.  My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our life, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.  Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us part."

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up.  She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.  I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.  The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.  I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs only to find my wife in the bed --- dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice.  She knew she would die soon and she wanted to save me the negative reaction from our son in case we pushed through with the divorce. – At least in the eyes of my son -- I’m a loving husband…

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship... it's not the mansion, the car, the property, the money in the bank.  These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.  So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
Dear Lord
Teach us to not take each other for granted,
to value each other, to love ...

** This story has been circulating the Internet for more than 6 years.  It has gone under many different titles.  Some have added to the story to make it more potent.  Many have researched it out but none have been able to clearly and concisely determine the actual authorship of this story.

6 awesome comments:

  1. That's a sad story. I can't imagine why someone wouldn't tell a spouse immediately about something like that. And to die at home alone. That would probably give the kid nightmares! :(

  2. Yes, it is a sad story and yet a poignant one reminding us that intimacy with our spouse consists of so much more than what happens behind closed doors and affects more than just ourselves.

  3. Hi Patricia. First, thanks for joining The Woman Jesus Knows. Wow! I didn't see that ending coming. Our marriages are supposed to be a type of Christ marriage to His Church. Yet Christian divorce is said to be at an all time high. This story is a reminder of how special our spouse is and how much we must do to keep the flame of the wedding day alive. What a selfless woman. Thanks for sharing this. It truly blessed me.


  4. You are more than welcome! I appreciate your comment. You are right. Christian divorce is at an all time high and it's a sad thing. We know the value of covenant and yet the only one we seem to take semi-seriously is God's covenant to us. In marriage we covenant to stay thru the good and the bad, the rich and the poor, in sickness and in health... but it many times just becomes words with no real meaning as we take each other for granted.

  5. Patricia ~ I love this story every time I read it. It's just as powerful every time. Today is my husband's birthday. We had a special breakfast together and I have a special evening planned. There are times that I have taken our life for granted but the Lord always draws me back. I am a blessed woman to have been married to this man for 34 years. Thank you for this reminder.

  6. Candy you are welcome. I've been married now for 26 years myself and also have been through those periods where there's a distancing in the relationship, a taking for granted. I'm so thankful that God shows us where we're at and shows us the way back.

    Praying your evening goes as planned!


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