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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Do You Have A Tarnished Crown?

A good wife is a crown to her husband...
Proverbs 12:4(a)

     This scripture verse ends with ..."but a shameful wife is like cancer."  The usual focus of this scripture when referenced is women.  In many sermons and articles this scripture is preached to speak to women about their role in marriage.  It IS important that this be done.  We DO need to understand that how we carry ourselves does not only affect us but it affects everyone in our families especially our husbands.  Our actions, the woman that we are, should not be such that it destroys others, especially our husbands, like a cancer eating away at a persons body.

     But I'm not going to be speaking to this today... instead I would like to focus on the beginning of this scripture...

copyright Voice From The End of Town
A good wife is a crown to her husband...

... And I'd like to focus on husbands today.

What is a crown and what does crowning someone symbolize?

     A crown is a circular ornamental headdress worn as a symbol of authority.  It is usually made of or decorated with precious metals and jewels.  To crown someone is to bestow on them a title, power, authority, and a certain level of dignity, respect and honor.  Men, if you have found a wife then you know according to Proverbs 18:22 that you have found a good thing.  A good and Godly wife will bestow on her husband a title, power, authority and a certain level of dignity, respect and honor.  His title is Head of the Household and spiritual head of the family.  The power she gives him is the power to lead her.  She also gives him the authority to make decisions for her.  He can hold his head high in public because she gives him dignity, respect and honor.

     Women, all I will say to you is Are you truly being this kind of woman?  But as I said before.... I'd like to focus on husbands today.  So lets consider, Are you a Godly husband?  Do you "carry" your crown well or do you have a tarnished crown?  

       A tarnished crown is a wife who is not being led by her husband into Godly things.  She is a wife on whom abuses are heaped by a husband who does not wield the power given him properly.  A tarnished crown is a wife whose husband walks in disobedience to God's call to be a Godly husband.

So what is a Godly husband?

     A Godly husband is first and foremost a man whose first priority is to love God and live according to his word.  He is a man who takes full responsibility to lead and protect his wife and family.  He is a man that does not relegate to others the responsibilities God gave to him concerning his wife which includes to love, honor and cherish her.  Yes, I did say love, honor and cherish.  Those are not just words that man put together to make a pretty wedding vow.  In Ephesians 5:25-30 it says :

"Husbands, love your wives the same as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.  He died to make the church holy. He used the telling of the Good News to make the church clean by washing it with water. 
Christ died so that he could give the church to himself like a bride in all her beauty. He died so that the church could be holy and without fault, with no evil or sin or any other thing wrong in it. 
And husbands should love their wives like that. They should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself, because no one ever hates his own body, but feeds and takes care of it. And that is what Christ does for the church because we are parts of his body." (ERV)

     Christ died to make the church holy, he spoke the Good News into her to cleanse her mind, he died so that he could unveil the beauty within her, he died so as to cleanse her and protect her from sin... and HE says that husbands should love their wives in the same way he did.

So what does it mean to die?

     To answer this question we have to look at Christ closely.  When he was born of Mary, he was born of the DNA of God and of woman, he was born of the flesh and the spirit.  Though he was born of the flesh, in a human body, he lived a sinless life.  How did he do that?  Well, some say he was God in human form so of course he wouldn't sin but that makes no sense.  If so then why did he constantly seem to need to stay in communion with God the father?  Why would he need to do that?  Why was he constantly getting alone with God?  Yes he was God in human form but we have to understand that he laid his deity down.  In essence, he laid aside all the power that came from his place and position as God and walked as a human.  In this position it was necessary to keep in communion with God the father so he could walk that sinless life.  He had to stay in communion with God the father in order to die daily to the flesh and it's emotions, desires and temptations.  Just in case you're not sure, lets talk about the prayer in the garden.  Let's look at Luke 22:42.  

"...Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. " (KJV)
In the Easy Read Version it says "...Father, if you are willing, please don't make me drink from this cup. But do what you want, not what I want."

     The cup that Jesus is speaking about is the cup of death, the cup that holds all the sin of everyone that would ever exist.  This was everything that was going to be placed on him.  His flesh wanted nothing of it!  It would have been screaming "Why should I have to take all of this on?  I've never sinned!  I don't want to have to do this!"   He cried out three times in anguish to God the father to the point of sweating drops of blood.  And yet, he died to his flesh and told God "not what I want, not my will but YOURS be done.'  This is what God asks of you men.  This is what God asks of husbands.  

"Love your wife like I loved the church.  I gave up everything for her." 

So what does this look like?

      Husbands, you are first and foremost to walk out the life of Christ in the presence of your wife.  It's not a matter of when she comes around and begins to do what she is supposed to then you will.  By choosing that place and position of her needing to change first... you are in essence demanding of your wife to be the spiritual leader in your home.  You have all the power and authority that comes from being a man and by right you also have the responsibilities that come with it too.  To many men take the power and authority and demand that others take on the responsibilities.  If this is you be very careful what you do next.  You cannot expect your wife and family to line up with the word of God while you sit back and watch.

In John 10:11 Jesus said 
"I am the good shepherd, the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep."

Jesus is the good shepherd and he's called YOU to be one too.

The good shepherd knows his surroundings and carefully leads the sheep.  You are called to guide your wife in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  You are called to set the distractions aside and spend time with God so that you know in what direction to go.  By your example, you do a check up from the neck up and you line up with God and he will bring your wife into alignment with him.  

The good shepherd feeds his sheep and gives them water to drink.  You are called to bring God's word and his presence into your home.  It is not your wives responsibility.  You are called as the spiritual head.  If your children go to your wife for spiritual leadership and prayer instead of you then you need to consider your walk.  If your wife is more apt to go to someone else for prayer instead of you that's another red flag.  Before you go considering that there is something wrong with her, consider what kind of spiritual leader you have been first.  Do you read the word and pray with your wife?

The good shepherd speaks to them gently and with care.    You are made in the image and likeness of God with the power of life and death in your tongue.  What words do you speak into your wife?  Do you take care when you speak or do you just say whatever comes to mind?  The harm that comes from careless words can leave scars that it takes years to heal.  So, you must be careful with the words you speak or you will find that you are tearing down the very woman God gave you to build up. 

The good shepherd pours in the oil and tends to their wounds.  God has called you to minister to your wife.  Yes, she is an emotional being and like it or not God wants you to be too.  When she is wounded, whether you feel that it's important or not, God has called you to tend to her.  It is your responsibility to care for her emotional, mental and spiritual state.   It is your job to pour in the oil of the holy spirit and bandage her wounds with your tender loving care.  He's called you to care for her AS the weaker vessel.  Just remember to treat her right, he didn't say that she IS weaker.

The good shepherd protects his sheep from predators.  Predators are out to victimize, plunder, devour and destroy for their own gain.  They like to go after the unprotected and defenseless.  God has called you to take a hands on approach.  You are the first line of defense.  You should never allow your wife to be attacked without coming to her defense.  If you know something is coming, protect your wife.  Do not leave her alone.  God calls you to protect your wife including her reputation, her ministry, and her anointing.  You are called to protect her from false teaching and from temptation.  You need to understand that when you are protecting her you are protecting yourself.  You would not lay yourself wide open for attack and not defend yourself so don't do that to your wife.  Don't leave her defenseless and unprotected.

The good shepherd knows that this life as a shepherd will ask much of him but because he loves his sheep he is willing to lay down his life for them.  He is willing to set everything aside if necessary, his flesh, his wants, his desires.... for the benefit of his wife. 

     If you, as a husband don't take your rightful place as the man of God in your house others will take over the responsibilities that are rightfully yours.  In essence, someone else will begin to shepherd your wife.  And as someone else shepherds her -- they begin to polish her -- to polish YOUR crown.  If someone else is treating your wife better than you, speaking life into her, feeding her, protecting her and tending to her wounds because you won't ... the door to temptation is thrown wide open.  It's time MEN OF GOD to take care of your wife like God has called you to do.  It's time for you to polish your crown.  

It's time for you to MAKE HER SHINE!

8 awesome comments:

  1. Excellent writing! A true revelation from God rockets forth out of this post! I highly recommend this to all Christian men. Wives, if your husband does not blog or you otherwise know he won't read here, print it and lay it on his pillow!

  2. Thank you Tim for your beautiful words. I have been humbled by the responses I've had to this post on Google+ and by your response. I wrote what I felt lead to write and labored over this post but all glory goes to God.

  3. I'm not trying to slam men, but I do think many seem to take a very passive role on some of these issues and it seems to be getting more and more prominent. The result is a woman who distrusts her man and loses respect for him. It can also end up causing the woman to take more of a controlling role. Thanks for speaking to this.

  4. You are more than welcome. I do understand what you're saying and you're right in that many men do take a passive role. Many have truly never seen what this looks like. They have had no example but Jesus and that seems to be a daunting one to follow. It is necessary that more take up this teaching and spread the example through their own lives.

  5. You're welcome! If it ministered please pass it on.

  6. This was powerful and anointed! Praying for christian couples everywhere especially our men of God!

  7. Thank you Grace07!
    Our men of God need your prayers and the prayers of anointed women of God. They come under so many temptations and are constantly being pulled in a million directions. If that's not enough, they are inundated with the idea that they are to rule and reign over everything and everyone. That idea of ruling and reigning plays on a man's ego and pride and separates him from God because man's idea compared to God's idea of ruling and reigning are two totally different things.


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